The Wanderer

Somewhere in a dark lonely room there are bloodshot eyes of the hopeless screaming just to be heard. There are tears being shed, there are bruises and scars that no one will be able to comprehend. There are wounds and battles that even those closest to them are unable to grasp. It is in these moments that the hopeless, the wanderers feel as though hope has escaped. It is in these moments that peace and joy seem distant. It is in these moments that victory and freedom are only a fantasy, a story told to make those wanderers feel alive in a moment of utter destruction. So this is for the wanderers, for the lost and for the searching because you are loved beyond all reason.

My heart beats for the wanderers.  Many do not know but for the longest time, I was a wanderer in a world filled with people who seemed to know who they were, where they were going and what they wanted in life. I don’t talk about my pains often because it makes me feel weak. But I know what pain is. I have experienced heartache.  I have been broken. I have been a wanderer.

Today I am healed. I have the joy of Lord and I take steps each day to continue to live in the victory that Christ gave me. “I am free to struggle, I am not struggling to be free”. When I received the peace that one day at the lake, I decided to keep moving forward. My past would no longer haunt me.  I would no longer hide behind the faux mask of happiness but my smile would be genuine. I would be authentic. I would live life in beauty. I would find the wanderers and I would walk with them, because no wanderer should ever be alone….

Wander (v)- To move about without a definite destination or purpose, to lose clarity or coherence of thought or expression.

Have you ever been driving and all of a sudden realized where you were and didn’t remember how you got there? You were unable to recall driving there the entire distance? In psychology there is a phenomenon that is similar to hypnosis with driving. It is actually pretty scary! Our minds become fully focused elsewhere while at the same time directly processing the masses of information needed to drive safely which causes us to have no recollection of the actual event. In a way, our minds wander off and we are left with road hypnotism. It is as though we drove our car in a zombie-like state, unable to recall how, where, when or what the last few minutes may have actually entailed. In those few moments you were a wanderer, you lost clarity. Imagine that experience being your life. Imagine living life being unable to recall how you got to where you were today. Imagine being lost, confused, in a haze. Imagine feeling as though you’ve lost all purpose, destination and clarity….imagine being a wanderer in a world filled with people who have got it all figured out.

Being a wanderer can be thrill seeking at first because of the adventure of the unknown but every person desires a purpose. They desire to make a difference and to be heard in a world where our voices are easily shut out. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11

If you’re a wanderer, I want you to know that I love you and that you’re not alone. I remember when I was lost feeling as though no one could ever understand me and it’s true, no one will ever understand exactly how you feel because you are your own unique person and every person feels uniquely. No one can feel how you feel. No one can experience your situation how you experience your situation. But you are not alone in your journey. 

You are loved. You are cared for. You are cherished. You are valuable .You have purpose. You have direction. You have a plan. There is more.

Keep moving forward. Do not look back. Your yesterdays are over. Your tomorrows are bright and beautiful. Your past will not control you, define you or destroy you. 

“Today is a new day. Don't let your history interfere with your destiny! Let today be the day you stop being a victim of your circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want. You have the power and the time to shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness. You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life!” ― Steve Maraboli

Continue to live life in the beauty you were created to live. You are more beautiful than you can ever imagine.